Where Did They Go?

Last year there were so many friends, so many people that said "we'll be here, we'll be here for whatever you need."

I can recall, sitting on the front porch telling Mason that everyone who said they'd be around, wouldn't. I'm really sorry that I was right. But, I'm not surprised. Look, everyone has to get on with their lives, I completely understand that. Mason doesn't quite get that yet. I know she will someday.

While I know that Jenny was important, her influence is diminished now that she's passed away. I knew that everyone who was here for us in the early moments would eventually fall back into their routine. I tried to be prepared for that, but it is difficult not hearing from Jenny's lifelong friends. I know they are thinking of her, but Mason would love note or an email, just to be sure.

A friend of mine asked me today..."Have you found a girlfriend?"

I can't even begin to think about that. Jenny was my one true love. I love her and can't imagine loving anyone else. I can't think of anyone other than Jenny. I still love her so much. I miss her. Without her I am lost. I don't know what to do.

Like tonight, most nights, I can't sleep. I just lie awake and think about what needs to be done. I try to accomplish daily and weekly goals, but I constantly miss Jenny. She should still be here. We were supposed to do this together. I'm not meant to do this alone.