Ups & Downs

I played golf Sunday with my buddy Mike. We went to Algonquin to play The Golf Club of Illinois. The course wasn't anything like we imagined. Other Dick Nugent designed courses I've played (Harborside International, Heritage Bluffs, Seven Bridges) all seemed much more memorable. They are all courses that I will definitely play again (and have played numerous times) because the experience was enjoyable. Mike and I both thought the "Top 10" state ranking is a stretch. The 11th hole owned the title for "Longest Par 5 in the US" at 678 yards - I actually made par!

Mason and I have been spending a lot of time together. I do wish she had a little more going on in the way of activities, but school will be starting soon and that will "free up" some of my time.

Those are the "Ups".

I think about Jenny a lot. I haven't been sleeping very well and I don't appear to be very motivated. Just when I start to have fun, or right after having fun, I feel guilty for feeling good. I know this is probably "normal", but I don't like it. I know I can't live in the past or the future, I have to stay focused on the present - the "here and now", but my mind always finds a way to wander back to thoughts of what would my life be like now if Jenny were still here? Then I imagine many answers to that question, before you know it, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I haven't gotten to sleep.

Anyway, maybe this is progress. Last year I couldn't sleep and wasn't motivated because I think I was still in shock and overwhelmed by what lies ahead of us. Now, I think I'm beginning to understand what lies ahead and I'm just freaked out and, honestly, pretty scared.

Everyone says, "it gets better". I'm sure it will. I'll get started on that tomorrow, after I get a good night's sleep.

Max & Mason